The Horse Who Wouldn't Die
The Biography of a Useless Horse
by H. B. Farmer

**Now available as an ebook**

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Area Horse Tired Of Being Compared To The Black Stallion

Scottsdale, AZ -- Midnight, a black Arabian gelding, is tired of his owner, Linda Ellison, constantly comparing him to the Black Stallion.  Whenever Ellison arrives at the barn she stands at Midnight’s pasture gate and whistles for him.  “I know she wants me to come galloping up to her, just like the Black would,” Midnight says.  Ellison is always disappointed when Midnight ambles up to her to get his treat.

The comparisons extend to all areas of their relationship.  “If we are out on the trail and we see a snake and I try to run away, she always says something like, ‘The Black would’ve fought the snake and saved my life.’  Whatever.  The Black also killed a man.  Oh, and by the way, the Black isn’t real.”

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Horse Owner Dumped By Farrier On Valentine's Day

Santa Ynez, CA -- Horse owner Carrie Burrows was dumped by her farrier on Valentine's Day.  "He had been acting like a jerk for weeks, not returning phone calls, ignoring my texts."  Then the farrier didn't show up for their shoeing appointment last week, telling Burrows that his truck broke down.  He rescheduled for Valentine's Day, assuring Burrows that everything was fine.  “I was at the barn, waiting for him, and he texts me and tells me it’s over—he won’t shoe my horse anymore.”  The desperate Burrows then started phoning other farriers, but at press time none had returned her calls.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Stock Watch: Drinking Horsemen, Inc.

Shares of Drinking Horsemen, Inc. skyrocketed today when they unveiled their new product, the Wine Pick, a combination hoof pick and wine opener.  "We are very excited about this product and hope to reach a new, sophisticated consumer group," said CEO Robert Malone.  Last month shares of the company fell after the Beer Pick failed to resonate with consumers.
The Wine Pick

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Area Barn Cat Finally Catches Mouse

Lake Oswego, OR -- After working for nearly three years as a barn cat, an orange tabby named Tangerine was finally seen carrying a dead mouse.  The incident is currently under investigation to determine if the mouse died of natural causes.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Horseybook - A New Equine Social Network

An equine entrepreneur has developed a social network exclusively for equines.  "We are very social animals and up until now we have been forced to use human developed sites, such as facebook and twitter," said the developer, an 8 year old quarter horse named Black Jack.   Horseybook allows horses to post photos, share their favorite rolling spots, post what they ate for breakfast, virtually groom each other, play Apartmentville, and much more.

Experts agree that for equine social networks to see real growth, significant advances in hoof-operated interfaces will have to be made.  "In focus groups we have encountered some problems with the way horses interact with the currently available smart phones and tablets," said one researcher.

Monday, February 6, 2012

TV Listing: House Hunters


6 p.m. EST

It is not about horses, but for a brief, wonderful moment our brain makes us think that it is.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Area Woman Still Talking About That Time She Met George Morris 20 Years Ago

Loveland, OH   At the monthly barn happy hour, Dorothy Hayman once again told the story about how she met George Morris 20 years ago.  “I was checking out one of the shows on the Florida winter circuit and I was walking to one of the warm up arenas and I literally bumped into George Morris.  He said, ‘Excuse me.’  Then I said, ‘No, excuse ME.’  He was so polite and such a gentleman.”  Then Hayman proceeded discuss Morris’s other virtues, none of which she learned about during their brief encounter.