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The Horse Who Wouldn't Die The Biography of a Useless Horse by H. B. Farmer **Now available as an ebook** |
Monday, December 3, 2018
Area Horse Knows He Is Going To Be Blamed
Local rider Mary Deane is sporting a black eye after walking into a lamp post while texting yesterday. "She collided with a stationary object but she is letting everyone think that I did it to her," said Mr. Jax, Deane's Arabian gelding. "Seriously, she walked into a lamp post and she wants to blame it on me. Can you believe it?" Mr. Jax has decided not to set the record straight in order to increase his barn cred.
Saturday, November 10, 2018
No No Stirrups November Contest
Flemington, NJ -- Every November, while the riders of Rising Star Farm have a contest to see who can ride without stirrups the most, the horses hold their own contest to see who can convince their riders to ride without stirrups the least.
Last year's winner, Tick Tock, is on track for a personal best this year. "The first time Lindsay tried to drop her stirrups this month I shot across the arena and then slammed on the brakes." As of November 10th, Tick Tock has a total score of 5 seconds. His winning score last year was 12 minutes and 33 seconds.
But 5 seconds might not be enough to win this year because newcomer Snafu is bringing his A-game. "When Sarah brought out the saddle without stirrups on November 1st, I pretended I had never seen a saddle before. She made the wise decision to put the stirrups back on before saddling me. Then a few days later I think she was thinking about dropping her stirrups so I started playing hot lava in the arena, where the arena sand is the lava." With 20 days to go, Snafu is the leader with 0 seconds. And he feels confident he can hold the lead. "I can keep this up for the rest of the month, definitely."
Last year's winner, Tick Tock, is on track for a personal best this year. "The first time Lindsay tried to drop her stirrups this month I shot across the arena and then slammed on the brakes." As of November 10th, Tick Tock has a total score of 5 seconds. His winning score last year was 12 minutes and 33 seconds.
But 5 seconds might not be enough to win this year because newcomer Snafu is bringing his A-game. "When Sarah brought out the saddle without stirrups on November 1st, I pretended I had never seen a saddle before. She made the wise decision to put the stirrups back on before saddling me. Then a few days later I think she was thinking about dropping her stirrups so I started playing hot lava in the arena, where the arena sand is the lava." With 20 days to go, Snafu is the leader with 0 seconds. And he feels confident he can hold the lead. "I can keep this up for the rest of the month, definitely."
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Equestrian Sniglets - chicago-screwed
chicago-screwed (shĭ-kă'gō-skro͞od) adj.
The position you are in when an essential piece of tack breaks at the worst possible moment.
Example: My horse was galloping down the trail and I was trying to stop him when my bridle broke and fell off. I was totally chicago-screwed.
The position you are in when an essential piece of tack breaks at the worst possible moment.
Example: My horse was galloping down the trail and I was trying to stop him when my bridle broke and fell off. I was totally chicago-screwed.
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Unsung Heroes: Peter Rabbit
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Equestrian Sniglets - lametastic
lametastic (lām-tăs'tĭk) adj.
Extraordinarily talented and chronically unsound.
Synonym: limpcredible
Example: My friend has a lametastic horse—he jumps 5 feet, has two bowed tendons, and recently injured a suspensory.
Extraordinarily talented and chronically unsound.
Synonym: limpcredible
Example: My friend has a lametastic horse—he jumps 5 feet, has two bowed tendons, and recently injured a suspensory.
Sunday, July 8, 2018
Equestrian Sniglets - fugiturd
fugiturd (fyo͞o'jĭ-tərd) n.
That one piece of manure that won't get onto the manure fork and into the wheelbarrow.
Example: I would have been done cleaning stalls ages ago except I wasted way too much time chasing a fugiturd around. And it still managed to get away.
That one piece of manure that won't get onto the manure fork and into the wheelbarrow.
Example: I would have been done cleaning stalls ages ago except I wasted way too much time chasing a fugiturd around. And it still managed to get away.
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Equestrian Sniglets - wishtance
wishtance (wĭsh'-təns) n.
When approaching a jump, the distance you see that isn't actually there.
Example: I was totally going to win that class until I saw a wishtance to the last oxer.
When approaching a jump, the distance you see that isn't actually there.
Example: I was totally going to win that class until I saw a wishtance to the last oxer.
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