A Choose Your Own Misadventure Book
The Big George Morris Clinic
by H. B. Farmer

What will happen when George Morris comes to town? YOU decide!

**Now available as an ebook and in paperback**

Saturday, November 10, 2018

No No Stirrups November Contest

Flemington, NJ -- Every November, while the riders of Rising Star Farm have a contest to see who can ride without stirrups the most, the horses hold their own contest to see who can convince their riders to ride without stirrups the least.

Last year's winner, Tick Tock, is on track for a personal best this year. "The first time Lindsay tried to drop her stirrups this month I shot across the arena and then slammed on the brakes." As of November 10th, Tick Tock has a total score of 5 seconds. His winning score last year was 12 minutes and 33 seconds.

But 5 seconds might not be enough to win this year because newcomer Snafu is bringing his A-game. "When Sarah brought out the saddle without stirrups on November 1st, I pretended I had never seen a saddle before. She made the wise decision to put the stirrups back on before saddling me. Then a few days later I think she was thinking about dropping her stirrups so I started playing hot lava in the arena, where the arena sand is the lava." With 20 days to go, Snafu is the leader with 0 seconds. And he feels confident he can hold the lead. "I can keep this up for the rest of the month, definitely."

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Equestrian Sniglets - chicago-screwed

chicago-screwed (shĭ-kă'gō-skro͞od) adj.
The position you are in when an essential piece of tack breaks at the worst possible moment.

Example: My horse was galloping down the trail and I was trying to stop him when my bridle broke and fell off. I was totally chicago-screwed.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Unsung Heroes: Peter Rabbit

Peter Rabbit now allows himself to be sprayed with flyspray without acting like he is getting zapped with 10,000 volts of electricity with every spritz.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Equestrian Sniglets - lametastic

lametastic (lām-tăs'tĭk) adj.
Extraordinarily talented and chronically unsound.
Synonym: limpcredible

Example: My friend has a lametastic horse—he jumps 5 feet, has two bowed tendons, and recently injured a suspensory.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Equestrian Sniglets - fugiturd

fugiturd (fyo͞o'jĭ-tərd) n.
That one piece of manure that won't get onto the manure fork and into the wheelbarrow.

Example: I would have been done cleaning stalls ages ago except I wasted way too much time chasing a fugiturd around. And it still managed to get away.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Equestrian Sniglets - wishtance

wishtance (wĭsh'-təns) n.
When approaching a jump, the distance you see that isn't actually there.

Example: I was totally going to win that class until I saw a wishtance to the last oxer.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

New Product Alert: Fecal Enlightenment System

Manure Solutions, Inc., the leading innovator of manure related products, today announced the release of their new Fecal Enlightenment System.  "This system is a must have for horsemen who do barn chores after dark.  Our flexible, patent-pending mounting system will mount any flashlight onto the handle of a manure fork.  The Fecal Enlightenment System is a must-have for those nights when you can't see sh*t."
Fecal Enlightenment System

Mounting system includes a roll of duct tape. Manure fork and flashlight sold separately.

Enlightened manure